Good Bad Language: a post about swearing

Warning: This is about profanity. Stop now if you don’t like swearing, because there will be a lot, and I am not going to use asterisks except once, in the next sentence. There is liberal use of c***; skip to the end for a postscript if this word particularly bothers you, or just abandon ship now. My advice is not to text-to-speech this one in public. Right, here we go.

Every few days, a post floats by on Twitter or pops up on a writing advice forum about profanity. Generally, the advice is the same: Swearing betrays poverty of imagination and language; you can convey the same effects without using rude words; you might upset people who don’t like swearing and what’s the point in turning off potential readers?

This is not the advice you are about to receive here.

Poverty of imagination/language

Swearing is just a lazy way to get an effect, we’re told. Shoving a few fucks into the dialogue isn’t the same as writing an effective character. Can’t you do some real writing?

To which I can only say, have you not seen The Thick of It?

No, he’s useless. He’s absolutely useless. He’s as useless as a marzipan dildo.

I’ve come across a lot of psychos in my time, but none as fucking boring as you. I mean you are a really boring fuck. Sorry, sorry, I know you disapprove of swearing. You are a really boring f star star cunt.

If you do think about running with this pill story, I’ll personally fucking eviscerate you, right? I mean, I don’t have your education, I don’t know what that means. But I’ll start by ripping your cock off and I’ll busk it from there.

The creators of The Thick of It are not linguistically impoverished. They invented the brilliant word ‘omnishambles’ and created my favourite insult line ever (without a swear in sight):

My theory is, Malcolm built him in a lab from bits of old psychopath.

Swearing can be elaborate, hilarious and glorious. But even monotonous swearing of the kind that makes people tut about ‘poverty of vocabulary’ can be used to brilliant effect. Look at Trainspotting, which uses monotonous swearing to convey everything about its narrators – Scottish, rage-filled, of varying education, all of them spiralling into heroin and self-destruction and a mass of unfocused fury, turned inwards as much as out:

You fucking knew that fucking cunt would fuck some cunt.

You can hear the character in that line (roughly translated, ‘It was inevitable that the individual we’re discussing would one day cause severe injury to somebody’.) The accent, the words spat out like bullets, the incoherent emotion overwhelming any powers of expression. That’s character through poverty of language.

You can do without naughty words

Some say you can do just as well by telling the reader that the character swears without larding the dialogue with profanity. I dispute that. Here’s a scene from my book The Magpie Lord. Lord Crane has only just survived a magical murder attempt:

Crane got up on the second try, poured himself a very large brandy, spilling quite a lot, knocked it back in a single, painful gulp, sat on the floor again and began to swear. He swore fluently, inventively and with spectacular obscenity in Shanghainese until he ran out of epithets, switched to English, and started at the beginning again.

“You’re feeling more yourself, then,” said Merrick, when Crane reached an impressively foul climax.

“No, I am not. What the fuck, what the fucking, bloody devil-shit, what in the name of Satan’s swollen cock was that?”

“Do you speak in the House of Lords with that mouth?”

Magpie LordCould I have achieved the same effect by leaving out Crane’s line? Just say, ‘He swore foully’ and allow the reader to use her imagination? Really? ‘He swore foully’, unsupported, has about as much effect as claiming, ‘He spoke brilliantly about Wordsworth’s poetry’, or ‘She was a world expert in symbology’ and never letting us hear the character say anything on the topic.  The reader won’t believe you know what you’re talking about. I didn’t have to spend paragraphs on Crane’s swearfest, but imagine that scene without the single line of extreme foul-mouthedness and see how much weaker it is. (I may add, in response to the “lazy writing” thing, I spent ages getting that swear exactly right – stunned repetition, slightly foreign cast, an elaboration to convey the richness of his imagery, all of it with rhythm, structure and build – and I’m proud of it.)

There is a reason that George Bernard Shaw in Pygmalion insisted on including the line, ‘Not bloody likely,’ rather than having it implied – the watcher has to hear Eliza say this shocking thing in her new cut-glass accent to understand how Higgins’ experiment has cut her adrift from class structures. There is a reason that Larkin’s poem doesn’t begin, ‘They mess you up, your mum and dad.’ And, because swearing is not a modern invention, let me give you one of my favourite poems by the Earl of Rochester (born 1647), ‘Upon His Drinking a Bowl’. I know the language is a bit flowery but don’t skip, the payoff is worth it.

Vulcan, contrive me such a cup
As Nestor used of old;
Show all thy skill to trim it up,
Damask it round with gold.

Make it so large that, filled with sack
Up to the swelling brim,
Vast toasts on the delicious lake
Like ships at sea may swim.

Engrave not battle on its cheek:
With war I’ve nought to do;
I’m none of those that took Maastricht,
Nor Yarmouth leaguer knew.

Let it no name of planets tell,
Fixed stars, or constellations;
For I am no Sir Sidrophel,
Nor none of his relations.

But carve theron a spreading vine,
Then add two lovely boys;
Their limbs in amorous folds intwine,
The type of future joys.

Cupid and Bacchus my saints are,
May drink and love still reign,
With wine I wash away my cares,
And then to cunt again.

Many bowdlerised versions of this poem replace cunt with ‘love’ in the last line. Love. Love?! Cunt here is a depth charge, blowing the classical imagery out of the water so the poem’s graceful elevated lyrics land in shards around us, leaving only the bare sordid truth of debauchery. ‘Love’ turns it into any other tedious seventeenth-century poem ever.

Not upsetting readers

It is true, some people don’t like reading profanity. Some don’t like reading sex. Some don’t like reading violence. Many don’t want to read queer romance. Some don’t like reading about magic because it’s tampering with the occult. I refuse to read YA, hard scifi, shifter romance, or any book containing a cute robin called Robbie. Do come back to me when you’ve thought of a story that will appeal to every single person in the world and I’ll agent you. I take 15%.

And, bluntly, if the main thought in your mind when writing is ‘How do I maximise my appeal to readers?’, rather than ‘what’s going to make this scene powerful and this dialogue convincing’, your book will suck, no matter how often you take it to a focus group and optimise for search engines.


As ever, it comes down to do it well.

Ask yourself why your character swears. You can convey a lot about them by what words they use – who says cunt, who never exceeds sod, who doesn’t swear at all? Is their swearing mostly sexual or religious, specifically abusive or just verbal decoration? Consider where they get their swears from – Army past, foreign travels? What about their social class? How can a Regency upper-class heroine let rip? Do they swear with spluttering fury, or elaborately worked eloquence? Does someone who normally swears like a bastard mind their language around just one person, or vice versa? Can you use an inadvertent ejaculation to betray your character’s shock or anger, and at what level of extremity will that kick in?

Know your registers. A Regency heroine cannot toss damn about in public; bloody obeys grammatical rules and cannot just be dropped randomly into a sentence to convey Britishness; calling someone a sodding tart is not the same as calling them a fucking whore.

Consider context. What impact does each swear have on the people around them? Are they trying to shock, or does it go unnoticed? If swearing is routine and similar among a variety of characters, that can be very boring. I am mostly a big fan of Richard Morgan’s fantasy series that began with The Steel Remains, but everyone swears identically. There is no difference between the battle-hardened social reject mercenary and the (non-fighting, political) emperor in the middle of his court. So we don’t get any sense of social or power divide between emperor and soldier, and because the emperor uses fuck all the time, his register has nowhere to go when he gets angry. This doesn’t seem to be making a point about the emperor’s court or ruling style. Everyone swears, it is grimdark, the end. Before you create a register in which, as Anthony Bourdain puts it, fuck is used principally as a comma, ask yourself how you’re going to escalate when people are really cross. (No, you may not put the swears in capital letters for emphasis. You’re not JK Rowling.)

FlightOfMagpies300Swearing lends power to not swearing. In my Charm of Magpies trilogy, Crane is spectacularly foul-mouthed throughout; his love interest Stephen uses four-letter words during sex and never elsewhere. When he swears for the first time outside the bedroom, in the third book, I hope the extremely mild word he uses will have all the impact of the most baroque explosion from Lord Crane – because it’s breaking his usual register and reflects a couple of extremely significant changes.

Swearing has power, and effect. It conveys mood and character. It can be explosive, done right. It can be monotonous and ineffectual done wrong, in which it is exactly like everything else we do with words.

Of course you don’t have to do it. If you don’t want to write swearing, then write characters who aren’t inclined to swear by personality or compelled by circumstance, and nobody will complain about it. Though you need to accept that if your battle-hardened Marine says, ‘Bother!’ when he stands on a landmine, people will laugh at you.

All I ask is, whether pro-swearing or not, pay as much attention to the rude words as to all the other ones. After all, you don’t want to be Terri in The Thick of It.

Terri: We don’t exchange insults with bloody Simon arsepipes titty-twat.

Ollie: Is that honestly the best swearing that you can come up with?


A note on cunt: Many Americans in particular regard cunt as a sexist term, and it can indeed be applied in a particularly unpleasant way as a synonym for woman. However, Brits most often use it as a swear without any specifically sexual connotations, either as a high-impact word on the tit – arse – cock – twat register, or, in some regions, as more or less a synonym for ‘person’. (‘My round, any of you cunts want a drink?’) Use it or don’t, as you see fit, but be aware of the cultural baggage.


ThinkOfEngland72webKJ Charles is a perfectly civil human being on Twitter and Facebook and just debases the English language in her books. Her latest, Think of England, is hardly sweary at all, except for the line ‘you fucking shithouse cricket,’ which was irresistible.

Thanks to Marian Perera for the inspiration for this post, and check her blog post that tackles swearing in fantasy.

33 replies
  1. scarlettparrish
    scarlettparrish says:

    >>>‘He swore foully’, unsupported, has about as much effect as claiming, ‘He spoke brilliantly about Wordsworth’s poetry’, or ‘She was a world expert in symbology’ and never letting us hear the character say anything on the topic. The reader won’t believe you know what you’re talking about.

    Agree with the above entirely. Telling the reader your character swore is…well, telling. And aren’t we always counselled “Show, don’t tell?” Don’t tell me your character is foul-mouthed – show me! And do it as creatively as Malcolm Tucker. 😀

  2. Jordan L. Hawk
    Jordan L. Hawk says:

    My most interesting swearing challenge came from making sure Leif and Dan in Hainted never say “damn” or “hell,” because as a pair of neo-shamans whose job is to escort the restless dead to the other side, that’s absolutely taboo. When Dan finally thinks “damn that” it’s at an extreme moment when he’s literally choosing between his duty to his Goddess and his injured lover.

    Of course I’m absolutely certain no one ever picked up on that except for me, so I will add it was probably one of my least effective uses of swearing ever as well. *sigh*

  3. atempleton
    atempleton says:

    Quite interesting look a swearing. Well stated. As an American, I particularly appreciate your last note. It was the one word I was always somewhat squeamish about, always somewhat surprised at Brits using so freely.

    • KJ Charles
      KJ Charles says:

      Well, it differs, but you will often find very posh people and very unposh people using it lavishly. eg there’s a TV comedy about students that includes a (horrible) very posh male character known as ‘Cunty’ Sykes, and none of his upper-class friends understand why most of the students are appalled by this. And equally it’s a word that can be used with almost no weight at all in some parts of the north and Scotland. But even when it’s a major swear, it doesn’t have the misogynistic ballast, it’s just a big swear. I for one find it difficult to discuss our present Prime Minister without deploying it…

  4. Raine
    Raine says:

    Loved this so much- as I truly appreciated the ‘bad’ language in your books. In fact you grabbed my attention in the first Magpie book with the juxtaposition of Crane’s anguished thoughts and Merrick’s ‘you stupid sod’!

    Thank you for the wonderful Earl of Rochester poem which I am now going to cherish.

    I don’t know if you have listened to John Grant’s music, but he too is a man who uses expletives with real craftsmanship.

  5. Shelagh
    Shelagh says:

    ‘Ask yourself why your character swears’ Exactly. I started reading this thinking that the author’s vocabulary hasn’t much to do with it, if the character swears it’s the character’s voice, not the author’s.

    I’m British but a little squeamish about the c-word. I reserve it for special occasions – usually near-death experiences at the hands of BMW drivers 😉

  6. Elin Gregory
    Elin Gregory says:

    I loved that bit of The Magpie Lord. It made me snort tea. The comedic timing was perfect.

    This is such good advice. You really need to leave room for escalation. Also, I’m told that acceptability of cunt is regional as well as contextual. Calling someone a cunt in London might get you a smack in the mouth, whereas you might get away with calling him a twat. But the positions are reversed in parts of the north. Call someone a twat up there and you could get a Mancunian groining.

    • KJ Charles
      KJ Charles says:

      I didn’t know that about ‘twat’, it’s completely null where I am. Jacqueline Wilson did a kids book that used it – apparently she thought it was basically a synonym for ‘twit’ – and there was a right kerfuffle about it.

  7. Tam
    Tam says:

    Sometimes my characters swear a fair bit, other times, rarely. No standard. I was called to task once because I had an ER doctor who swore and I was informed that someone with that much education would never use such foul language. However I had others who actually work in the profession who told me that it was not nearly foul enough to reflect reality. What one reader hates, another loves. As long as it fits, I’m good to go.

    I do dislike the c-word, probably the North American in me. It is only used where I come from in a derogatory way against women, it’s hard to block that out. 🙂

    • KJ Charles
      KJ Charles says:

      God, no, most of the sweariest people I know are highly educated. The whole ‘it’s poverty of language’ thing is a joke. Highly educated, well-off people of high social status are more likely to say whatever they want, because they can.

  8. Michele Mills
    Michele Mills says:

    I read this while sipping morning coffee with the toddler watching Disney Channel. It was very liberating. 🙂
    I too, am a lover of profanity in fiction, although I’ve been accused of defaulting to fuck way too much. Now I see I don’t need to cut out the cussing, I just need to start collecting better words. That’ll be fun!
    The best profanity ever is from the show Deadwood. Have you seen it? Each episode was a linguistic gem. Al Swearengen’s cussing is downright Shakespearean.

    • KJ Charles
      KJ Charles says:

      I’ve heard that’s amazing. We don’t have network TV so I haven’t seen…anything, really. Life under a stone. I do recommend The Thick of It though, as well as magnificent sweariness and cynicism, it’s horribly accurate about the business of politics.

  9. Becky Black
    Becky Black says:

    Ooh, swearing is such a fascinating subject.

    It’s very era specific apparently. The writers of the TV series Deadwood, which has what you;d call a fuckton of swearing, started out with scripts that included period authentic swearing. And when the actors actually read the lines they said they sounded absurd and what’s worse, didn’t sound like swearing, because the words didn’t have the same emotional power as words you grew up with as swear words. So they accepted being anachronistic and used modern swearing to make sure it conveyed the emotion.

    I suppose it’s a bit like learning a foreign swear word when you’re grown up. You might know intellectually “If I called someone this in a bar in Germany I’ll be leaving in an ambulance.” But it doesn’t have the power to evoke emotion in you as it does to the native speaker.

    A great use of swearing is near the start of Shaun of the Dead, in the pub when Shaun is defending Ed, saying he’s not such a terrible person as his friends are making out, when Ed approaches the table and says, in front of ladies too, “Can I buy any of you cunts a drink.”

    I get amused when scriptwriters on American network TV shows slip in “bollocks” in the mouths of British or Irish characters, since it’s technically stronger than the swearing allowed on those shows, but Americans mostly don’t know that. Charlie said it plenty in Lost. Chief O’Brien said it on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine once and I nearly died laughing. I’m sure Spike must have said it in Buffy.

    Speaking of network telly, I can’t not give a shoutout to Jack Bauer – who can say “dammit” with enough conviction that you can hear the “holy fucking shit” behind it. Because those situations on 24 are definitely “holy fucking shit” situation, not “dammit” situations.

    • KJ Charles
      KJ Charles says:

      Oh yes, ‘bollocks’ is hilarious in those contexts. Again, know your register. There’s a story that a US crowd at an Oasis concert had the idea that ‘wanker’ was a positive thing and were chanting ‘Wankers! Wankers!’ at the band (although for all I know they were perfectly aware of what the word mean and exhibiting good judgement).

      • Cyrano Jones
        Cyrano Jones says:

        And this brings to mind the time when the Monkees tried to write a song called “Randy Scouse Git”. Mickey had heard the phrase on a British show called “‘Til Death Do Us Part” and didn’t know how impolite the language was. The single was released in Britain under the title “Alternate Title”.

  10. Maverickgirl31
    Maverickgirl31 says:

    Love it! I have no problem with profanity and chuckled to myself for several days every time I thought about that scene with Lord Crane. I think what catches me more when reading books is when the author seems to go overboard with the f-bomb to prove how badass a character is, but every other aspect of the individual is immature and flat. On the other hand when LC tells the priest that he will rebury his niece or find out how evil he can be…I couldn’t help but melt.

  11. Non Wels
    Non Wels says:

    I love this so much. And agree wholeheartedly. On my podcast, Joy Sandwich, we talk about swearing in general, and how context, audience, and intent are the things that matter. Words are words, and they are useful, important, applicable, powerful, and deserve our respect. 🙂 In case you’re interested, here’s a link to the referenced episode:



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